D and I took Anna for a short walk last night. (It was great to be able to get out of the house and take a stroll around the neighborhood again after being laid up for several weeks.) We were talking about moving back to the mainland and jobs and such when D dropped a bomb on me.
Lil'bit-o'historee: D and I have talked about moving back to the mainland from Hawaii for a couple years and were fairly sure it was going to happen this year.
So we're out walking and talking and...BAM! D hits me with a big, fat, cold water balloon of news: it looks like we probably won't be moving back to the mainland this summer. Sure, he's been talking more and more like it may not happen. But this...this was more like 'yeah, it's not gunna happen.'
Now I've been trying very hard (recently)(what? I have!) to enjoy living here, and had thought I'd convinced myself that it would be okay if we stayed here another year. Then last night I realized that I was really torn on this issue.
No. Ya know what? I AM really torn on this issue. I have wanted to get off this island for three years. (You popsicles may think I'm crazy but it's true; HI isn't paradise in everyone's book) For three years I've been focused entirely on the stuff I don't like about Hawaii. But you know what that's done for me? It's made me miserable. It has effectively blocked out all the enjoyment I could be getting from this place.
Last night when D told me; I was blind-sided. I truly had expected that we would move. I wanted to move. I thought it would happen. Now that the dream has been all but plucked from my grasp for another year...I'm not sure how I feel. I don't want to be discontent anymore. I want to enjoy this place, I want to enjoy my life. NOW. Not in five years. Not next year. Not even next month. I WANT TO ENJOY IT NOW. And I will. I will haul my chubby bum off our couch and do something fun. I will. (I'm still trying to convince myself, obviously)
You just see if I don't.